An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he continued walking he heard a rustling in the bushes and saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could but tripped and fell on the ground. He saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God....!"
Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
It was then that a bright light shone upon the man and a voice came out of the sky saying: "You deny my existence for all of these years, told others I didn't exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:
"Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am truly thankful, Amen."
Labels: funny, humor
By: Demnos | Monday, March 19, 2007 at 09:30 | | 
This is a hard one but definitely one worth reading. Thanks for sending me this one Tammy.Month One:
Mommy, I am only 8 inches long, but I have all my organs. I love the sound of your voice. Every time I hear it, I wave my arms and legs. The sound of your heart beat is my favorite lullaby.
Month Two:
Mommy, today I learned how to suck my thumb. If you could see me, you could definitely tell that I am a baby. I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though. It is so nice and warm in here.
Month Three:
You know what Mommy, I'm a girl !! I hope that makes you happy. I always want you to be happy. I don't like it when you cry. You sound so sad. It makes me sad too, and I cry with you even though you can't hear me.
Month Four:
Mommy, my hair is starting to grow. It is very short and fine, but I will have a lot of it. I spend a lot of my time exercising. I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes, and stretch my arms and legs. I am becoming quite good at it too.
Month Five:
You went to the doctor today. Mommy, he lied to you. He said that I'm not a baby. I am a baby Mommy, your baby. I think and feel. Mommy, what's abortion?
Month Six:
I can hear that doctor again. I don't like him. He seems cold and heartless. Something is intruding my home. The doctor calls it a needle. Mommy what is it? It burns! Please make it stop! I can't get away from it! Mommy!! HELP ME!! Mommy!!!! . .
Month Seven:
Mommy, I am okay. I am in Jesus's arms. He is holding me. He told me about abortion. Why didn't you want me Mommy?
One more heart was stopped. Two more eyes will never see.
Two more hands will never touch. Two more legs will never run.
One more child of God destroyed. One more mouth that will never speak.
Labels: baby, serious, touching
By: Demnos | Wednesday, March 14, 2007 at 08:13 | |
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them. Went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She replied, "What happened to my booger?"
Labels: funny, kids
By: Demnos | Saturday, March 10, 2007 at 17:29 | |
"Hello, is this the Sheriff's office?"
"Yes. How can I help you?"
"I'm calling to report about my neighbor, Virgil. He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there."
"Thank you for the call, sir."
The following day, the Sheriff's deputies descended on Virgil's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they busted open every piece of wood but found no marijuana.
They glowered at Virgil as they filed out the shed door. Not long after the deputies left, the phone rang at Virgil's house.
"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
Rednecks know how to git-r-dun.
Labels: funny, humor
By: Demnos | Saturday, March 3, 2007 at 21:07 | |
