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Hitchhikers Guide Quotes or Misc Douglas Adams

"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all planets in the universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole universe is zero, and that all people that you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination."
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry creatures from Aplha Centauri.'"
Zaphod Beeblebrox

"`I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month.
I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis.'"
Zaphod Beeblebrox

In the beginning the Universe was created... This made a lot of people
angry and was widely regarded as a bad move.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

The sign read:
"Hold stick near center of its length. Moisten pointed end in mouth.
Insert in tooth space, blunt end next to gum. Use gentle in-out motion."
"It seemed to me," said Wonko the Sane, "that any civilization that had so far lost its head as to need to include a set of detailed instructions for the use in a package of toothpicks, was no longer a civilization in which I could live and stay sane."
So long, thanks for all the fish

"There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler's mind."
A summary of the whole series

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.
Last Chance To See

"I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by."

"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."