Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work.  Just say it! 

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear. 

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 

Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and race cars. 

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 

Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived. 

Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way. 

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.  Really!! 

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes. 

Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot. 

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 

No, we do not know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. 

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like 
nothing's wrong.  We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

The man is ALWAYS in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 

If it is OUR house, I do not understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the closet, attic, basement or worse, the garbage. 

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

Don't make us hold your purse at the mall.

Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (i.e., Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc.) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.

Remember: the Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.

Yes, Sharon Stone/Pamela Anderson/Cindy Crawford  is prettier than you.  Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than me. But since neither one of us is going to be dating any of these people, don't ask.